There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
