tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
