if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
