Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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