i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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