tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
