You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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