"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
