Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
