Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
