i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
