i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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