Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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