I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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