I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
