The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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