Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
