so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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