Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
