I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
