Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
