allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
