Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
