I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
