just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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