My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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