i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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