I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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