2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
a search helicopter?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
