i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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