I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
