beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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