that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
