As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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