hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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