I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
