I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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