She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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