Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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