I should be sponsored by Trojan
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
