The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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