i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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