Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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