.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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