You really coming over, don't trick.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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