how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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