we're blogging at a bar
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
