I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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