Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
