You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
