if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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