one word: firstdatebathroomanal
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
