I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And then he peed in my hair
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