turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
