Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
