Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
