): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
