so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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