you would pick up someone in the library
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
