kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
