It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
