did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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