So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
