yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
