I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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