I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
