I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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