then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
