Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
