1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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