dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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