Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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