dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
