I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
