halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
