So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i think i just lost a toe
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
