just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
