It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
