So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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