i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
