see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
