and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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