yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize