I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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