I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
